more confidence

Recently, I saw a TikTok (please bear with me) of a girl that had been offered to work on some important research with a prestigious professor. She explained that she was nearing the end of reaching her doctorate, and had all the experience on paper that would make sense for her to be given an opportunity to work with this professor. However, she said that she felt like she was not qualified at all, and felt as though she couldn’t possibly have enough knowledge to be working on that research. She was more than qualified and knowledgeable, but to her, she felt like a complete newbie. She even went as far as to say she had to be a fraud because she did not feel confident in her abilities.

If I’m being honest, I’ve felt the lack of confidence this girl explained on more than one occasion. One of the most prevalent times I’ve ever felt unqualified and in over my head was last fall when I got elected as a national FFA officer.

In the months leading up to the national convention, I studied, practiced, and grew a lot as a person. My knowledge of current events in agriculture was pretty good. My desire to serve was immense. My speaking abilities were adequate. My interviewing and storytelling skills were a strength I knew I could display. I  studied the mechanics of how the selection process worked intensely in order for the timing of each round to become second nature in my brain. My purpose for running to show members that there is more to it all was solid.

When the convention arrived, I felt as prepared as I could feel. The week of interviewing for the position went smoothly for the most part, but there was never a time when I walked out of the interview room feeling completely confident. There were times when I talked way too fast, and it was probably easy for the nominating committee to see how nervous I was. I generally felt the emotions of “pretty good” or “not necessarily bad” when I finished a round. By no means did I ever feel like I knocked it out of the park, but I also never felt like I did horribly. After the final interview, I knew that I had put my whole self out there, including all of the nerves. Even if I had a few more minutes with the nominating committee, I knew that they had seen who I was, and a few more words from me wouldn’t change what they thought about me. This was a good feeling to have and was the closest thing I felt to confidence all week. I had given the interview process my best, and I felt content with whatever decision would be made.

When the time for the announcement of the national officer team finally arrived, I simply told myself that in a few minutes, my name would not be called, and that was completely fine. My life would be completely fine, and I’d find a way to share that there is more to it all no matter what. While I knew the position of national office was an incredible way in which that message could be shared, I also knew that I had to live out the motto at this moment. There’s more to life than a position, and if I really believed that there was more to it all, the result of the announcement just decided the path in which I could help others see that there is more to it all.

These thoughts were at the forefront of my mind when I heard my name get called for the central region. For a second, I couldn’t believe my own ears and had to double-check the screen to make sure I had heard correctly. Sure enough, my picture was up there, and it clicked that I had heard the words right. I couldn’t believe I had gotten elected.

For about the next two months, I transitioned from disbelief in getting elected to disbelief as to why I had been elected. I was playing a constant comparison game in my head. I compared myself to national officers before me, and how they were such motivational and influential people. I had this idea in my head that someone would wave a magic fairy wand when I got elected to make me an inspirational national officer. This was the farthest thing from the truth, however.

After a month of training, I began to worry. I felt like the same Mamie before I was elected with a few new workshops, speeches, and other leadership skills. I didn’t feel like a national officer in the slightest, and I had very little confidence in my ability to impact members. I questioned when I would ever feel like those awesome national officers who came before me. I wondered how in the world I was supposed to be inspirational like they were.

It took me a few months to figure it out, but I began to realize that the magic fairy wand was not coming around. In fact, I began to see that I had been elected to be the exact Mamie I was before my name had been announced. I was not meant to be those who came before me in office, but rather I was meant to just be me.

This seems like an obvious realization to have, but I think a lot of us have felt the lack of confidence I felt (and still feel sometimes) at some point in our lives. We question why we were chosen for the position, job, etc. We wonder how someone could’ve possibly seen something in us that would make us worth choosing. I think the short answer to these self-doubting thoughts is to remind ourselves how we see others. It’s easy for us to see others for who they could become, and the incredible impact they could have in the years to come.

Even if you don’t see it now, others see you becoming something incredible too. Know that you were chosen for a reason, and that reason will be shown. Let yourself be confident that who you are becoming is exactly what others saw in you.

If you are struggling to be confident, remember that almost everyone else is too. The reality is that very few of us, or none of us, feel totally confident in ourselves. The feeling of being the newbie doesn’t fade with age, experience, or knowledge, and to be honest, it shouldn’t. If you don’t feel a little challenged, nervous, or even slightly “in over your head”, you might not be pushing yourself enough to who you could become.

There’s more to confidence.

There’s more to it all.